Disappointed...

I know. It's not a good day. But I just don't know how much more I can take. Right now I really need to vent and get it all off my chest. To put it plain, I'm fed up with EVERYTHING at this moment in time, ugh...

I know, not very positive nor nice nor motivating nor inspiring... guess things just get to me and I don't know how to deal with them.

First day today I had chocolate. It was within a snack but I consciously had it, after a week without. I caved in, yes I did but that shoes just how stressed I am.

On the one hand I haven't exercised in ages, between injuries, kids and tight schedules I just haven't had the energy to do anything. Then there's going back to work after 3 weeks holiday. Obviously family problems (dad and grandma) and what to do. All of the kids stuff falls on me, maybe too much responsibility, maybe just too much altogether, sigh.

Paula woke up 4 nights last week and had to give her some medicine against anxiety. I thought it was her training. On Sunday she wasn't feeling fine, she had a horrible night and yes, strep throat it was on Monday with very high fevers that have kept her home 3 days... first time ever. She had never missed more than a day at school each school year... turns out, the "harassment" that 2 boys have her under made her "pop" and have an axiety crisis and, as usual, it went to her throat, but this time bad. Back to school today and as soon as she got in the class the boys were on top of her. Managed to have school stuff see to it. But then, horrible training due to an exercise she can't (yet) do on the uneven bars and morover because of the comments of the coach. I've had it... I can't take anymore. I'm worried and I'm angry. In a way I feel she should fight for herself but on the other hand I don't want to push her. I'm lost... I don't know what to do. Right now I'd crawl into a hole, go to sleep and never get out, ugh... I know... not good but I just can't cope with anything else right now.

I don't know what to do. I think I'm the one that needs help really. She does need some. It can't be that at 8 she suffers this way. I don't know wether she's too sensitive or if she's a wimp... I'm scared of being too hard on her but I hate not getting a response... eek... is there a way out? What to do? What to do? Oh dear...

I guess I'll call it a day. I'm going to bed and hope to see some light some time soon. There's no hole I can crawl into so I'll have to face it all and keep going doing my best. Good luck Jacky!